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  • Writer's pictureAmanda

My Attempt At Showing Up For Myself: January

When I first started working on this post, it was the beginning of January and I was focused on making a point of showing up for myself every day this month in one way or another. I started the new year feeling miserable. It had been months of me feeding around the clock, doing everything I could to get my milk supply up, taking care of a constantly sick toddler, trying to keep the house somewhat clean, and ending every single day feeling defeated. I fantasized about leaving for a solid 24 hours the *second* I could, and started to get resentful towards everyone around me. Something needed to change, and that something was that I needed to make an effort to show up for myself. "You can't pour from an empty cup" they say, and I needed to take some steps to fill mine.

So, I started keeping track of what I did each day to show up for myself: a bike ride alone, a nap with the baby, got a workout in, went to bed early, took a shower, read a book.... but then very quickly, the wheels fell off the tracks again. Showing up for myself was becoming another task to do that made me feel frustrated when it didn't get completed.

Here's the thing: life is not easy these days. There are a lot of laughs and cuddles, but it's not like that all day long every day (I wish!). I need to focus on myself, but I also need to focus on my kids. One day I will be able to balance these two (three) things, but right now I need to just give myself permission to be still.

I had a friend tell me that she had the smallest tasks that she wanted to get done during the day, and was feeling frustrated that she couldn't get to them. If it's the same for her, and the same for me, it must be the same for others too. A trip to the library, a load of laundry, watering the plants.... these things are easy to do when you don't have little people needing to be held, begging for a snack, needing to be changed, wanting to be read to or played with.... it's never ending. I love being a mom, but it's more than a full time job.

So, I have two new goals for February:

Take a deep breath before reacting (so much easier said than done)

Get some quiet time every day

That's it, that's all. Anything else is going to be an extra win.

Now to find out how to get that quiet time and be easier on myself for the month of February... If any neighbours spot me sitting in my car alone in the driveway, you now know why, haha!

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